Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
This write up made me feel like I got therapy vicariously. He was really clear with the reasons behind limits. He isn't worried for himself that you will love him the way you did ex MC, but he is worried for your wellbeing in selecting relationships in which to entrust your love, in which the other person is legally and ethically prohibited from returning the feeling ( at least out loud or with actions). I makes me think of your H, who is available to return love and be two-sided with the relationship. Having a divorce behind me might make me cynical, but there is something really pure about loving the T with all the limits, and something messy and exasperating about real life love( my T calls it a three-legged race to stay married. Your T gave you the stone gladly this time. He is wanting to give you everything and more- as long as it is good for you, it seems.
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I do feel he's mainly looking out for my wellbeing. It's just difficult because, obviously, I'm already attached to him to some degree. I think he's now realizing that he can't prevent the attachment (even if he'd initially hoped to) but is just trying to deal with it as best he can, while trying not to encourage more. I think the stone is him realizing now (unlike before) that it might be something I just need right now, but, ideally, won't always want/need. I think he's also clearly not used to dealing with clients like me, so he thinks one thing is the correct way to go, then I end up really upset by it, which confuses him. (I still think of when he was initially saying the whole "creepy" thing about the first stone, if it was about him, and I started crying, and he was like, "Why are you reacting that way?") But I feel he's learning and adapting. Is he the best T to work with on attachment? No. But...I still think he's helping me. I mean, I *don't want* to be attached to a T forever, ideally. Maybe ultimately have him there if I need help/support from time to time, but not like desperately attached to him, say, 10 years from now. But as I said to him a while ago, I need him to meet me where I am, not where he wishes I was.
I find the three-legged race analogy to be an interesting one! And can see a bit of truth in there.