I'm so sick of not being allowed to sleep. I'm stuck underneath a bunch of idiots that stay up all night screaming and smashing things. They usually dont go quiet until around 2-4 (if they ever do), so I am severly sleep deprived, half brain dead, slow, cant concentrate, get up late and everything gets messed up. I have got used to being in a lethargic sleep deprived state and I haven't known any different for a few years now. Can't remember whats its like to be able to sleep properly at proper times and actually wake up refreshed; that would have been back when I was at my parents house.

Everything feels so pointless because I can't do anything. People keep saying I look like I'm going to cry and keep asking whats wrong. Or telling me to wake up, and the worst, thinking I deliberatley stayed up all night drinking (I don't drink at all). I find this very insulting, since I have no control over this! I DO NOT choose to stay up, I never would, because I know from the past that I feel MUCH better when I go to bed early and get up early, and feel terrible when I go to bed late and get up late. Therefore I would never choose the lateness.

Also now, everytime I go out anywhere (which is very very rare and only when I need to) I am totally exhausted when I come back. Even if I'm just out for 2 or 3 hours at a shop or something. This never used to happen before. But now after being out, I can't really do much for the rest of the day. This is made worse if I haven't been allowed to sleep the night before and I'm even more lethergic to start with. Or if I have to stay up the night after.

I was lucky the night before, that I was allowed to sleep earlier and get up earlier to go out yesterday. Was out 5 hours, too tired to do anything the rest of the day. Was hoping I could go to bed early and try to recover. NOPE! NOT allowed. They were out (at the pub I assume) and came back drunk at 10 while I was getting ready for bed, screaming and arguing outside then went inside and they made noise until 1am. I had to stay up but I couldn't really do much. Couldn't read stuff online because the screen hurt my eyes, couldn't read because I couldn't focus on the words, couldn't do anything physical because I had no energy, couldn't even write in journal because my hands/arms were aching and I couldn't grip the pen. So I just stared into space, day dreaming and I have a white noise mp3 I play loud in my ears to block out most of their noise (it doesn't block out all of it though).

And so obviously I woke up late this morning, still feeling terrible, brain pulsating etc, and far too late for the things I needed to do. And I have messed up further than I ever thought I would (I can't go into the details).

I know this is my problem because:
1) I am faulty, I need complete quiet to sleep, and theres no chance of that here
2) Nobody else goes to bed before midnight, its perfectly normal to stay until 1am (or after). I am the one that's abnormal
3) They are entitled to their "fun" more than I am entitled to my sleep/health

I know I shouldn't be complaining. This is how it should be. I don't know why I do complain, but I do. This isn't just about sleep because it effects everything else (in a negative way). I am being completely controlled by a bunch of drunks.

Please don't tell me to move or anything, that is not an option, ever. And nothing else works, I've tried everything.