So.

Spent time with adult daughter & grandson this afternoon and evening.

Later on, we were settled down at her house calmly going over events of the day.

I told her about sending my info about being sexually, emotionally, and financially exploited by a previous psychiatrist to Dr. Phil. I told her I didn’t expect for my subject to be chosen- Dr. Phil gets thousands of emails, I’m sure. Blah blah blah.

Daughter was angry and incredulous, why would I do such a thing?

I told her my reasons. 1) Educating the public that ‘therapy doesn’t include sex,’ 2) to help get the subject out and away from me. 3) I want something good to come out of the bad that happened to me.

Daughter said, ‘You should have known better!” (..than to fall for his line, sex with him would be therapeutic..)

I said, you can’t judge me, you weren’t there. He manipulated me. It was a gradual process. He didn’t just, one day say, ‘hey, let’s have sex, it will be good for you.’ It was a gradual process. I didn’t tell her about ‘grooming behaviors.’ She wasn’t in the mood to hear any more about it.

She said she has been hurt by everything that happened and she will never get over it, (as if I hadn’t considered it hurt her, too.)

I told daughter I *do* understand that it hurt her and grandon and Mom.... we talk about how it hurt (her) in therapy. She had a fit!

I said we don’t necessarily talk about HER but we do talk about ‘secondary victims.’

More than anyone, *I* know how widespread the damage and pain has been for *everyone.*

I have hurt my family because I don’t make good decisions for myself.

Daughter said this is a subject that we should NEVER talk about with each other and she never wants to talk about it again.

She was quite angry. I didn’t bring This up to stir up conflict. Although I doubt Dr. Phil’s people will ever call me, I figured she might like to know about it.

I thought she might say, ‘good for you.’ I was wrong.

I was NOT going to tell her he forced part of it. But she wouldn’t have let the conversation continue that far, anyway

My family blames me. They think I should have known better. They think I’m stupid for getting myself in this this predicament.

They have never wanted to understand. I don’t even think *I* understand.

Maybe I am stupid. Maybe it was stupid to believe the psychiatrist when he said sex with him would be therapeutic, it would help me. It was a stupid thing for me to do.

I think daughter’s attitude, shared by my family, is a significant reason I never got far enough in any conversation to tell any of them he forced part of the sexual intimacies. If I had told them that, I believe they would have blamed that part of it on me, too; I put myself in that position.

I obviously should have known better. I should have given the entire relationship with the psychiatrist more thought.

But there were at least seven clients that came forward. Maybe we were all stupid?

Daughter must assume it could have never happened to her. She might be right.

So, I guess I am stupid and should have known better. She didn’t berate me any more than I berate myself.

But isn’t this precisely the reason *someone* needs to tell people-

“Ethical therapy never includes sex.”

....So people WILL know better, so they won’t do the stupid thing that *I* did?!