This is so painful to hear from your kid and so unfair to you

I am a parent and, even though I haven't heard this particular accusation from my son, I've heard some other stuff from him that caused me much pain. It has gotten resolved by now, but I definitely can relate on some level to what you are feeling

Please, please, don't allow anyone, including your daughter, to hurt you again. You don't deserve this crap. I understand that your daughter may have legitimate reasons to be angry with you for whatever happened in the past, but that doesn't give her the right to say what she had said to you. If she has grievances about how you treated her in the past and how what you did affected her, she has the right to talk about that, but she has no right to judge what happened in your therapy. As you said, she wasn't there, she doesn't know how this abuse takes place, and, unfortunately, she is not interested to learn about it. She has the right not to learn about it, if she doesn't want to, but if that's what she chooses, then she is in no position to have an opinion about it. You can't have an opinion about something you don't want to know anything about.

It's so painful when your own family add to your trauma. Please, don't let your daughter or anyone else say to you that it was your fault ever again. I know it's so hard to do that when it comes to your kids, but you have the right to make your well-being a priority. Your past failings as a parent don't give your daughter the right to treat you that way. You've acknowledged what you did wrong as a parent and, once you did that, you don't owe her anything anymore. Seriously. Don't let your guilt manipulate you and don't take abuse from anyone anymore, including your family.