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DahveyJonez · Sep 03, 2018 at 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FergusonsFather

So I’ve been looking into self sabotage, the causes, signs etc. Things like alcohol and drug abuse, binge eating and self harm keep coming up.
This got me thinking that maybe self sabotage isn’t the correct definition for the behaviour that I have in mind, and am now wondering if it may be classified as something different? Any help would be appreciated.
I’ll now give an example of the behaviour that I am talking about:

There is a person. This person has suffered with anxiety, depression and anger. They have experience some mid life trauma and have managed, with the aid of medication and therapy, to overcome these problems. The person lives a successful life (whatever that means) and for the most part functions very well. However the episodes of anxiety, stress and worry still occur occasionally, triggered by certain things. Now, this person will put their energy and time into something, be it through educating themselves in their professional field, purchasing a house, going for a promotion. Their actions thus far are relatively “normal”. But here’s the key: When something doesn’t go as they had planned, say the loan didn’t come through in time for the mortgage, or the deadline for the course passed unnoticed, or they didn’t get the promotion, this person would then start to intentionally fail at other aspects of their life. It is very much a “Well if I can’t have this then I don’t want anything attitude, and they will proceed to sabotage other goals that they have, any projects that are in progress, or at least give up on them. So if something failed, even if it was beyond their control, they would try to drag everything else down too, even if it was to their own detriment.

So you can see why I’m thinking that this is self sabotage, but I can’t find reference to this behaviour and mindset anywhere in particular.

Any ideas?

Thanks
FF

The 'Self Sabatage' title jumped out as soon as I'd seen it. It was one of the topics of a post responding to an unrelated thread in another forum section but I'd recalled something about the nature of self-sabotage - at least its emotive characteristics as they'd left impressions on me. They're just personal anecdotal musings and not any sort of definitive reference.

Hope you find it of some value, FWIW

I'll try and post the reference here. If it breaks posting protocol or Gen Q&A isn't for these sorts of potentially far-ranging roves, feel free to remove it! I'll just quote the brief passage as it pertains to your post and give the reference posting:

Quote:

"Wanted to respond sooner but you know life gets in the way of the forums and had to put this together a minute here, 5 there - style. Which always makes for a disjointed, ramble...
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyCupofTea

He is self-sabataging...

I see that ALOT. So much, in so many areas. I've seen one of my children, over the years, attempting to break free of the repetitive mania cycle. As soon as he looks like he is going to implement some of the many techniques he's been shown, he will stop and "but wait, before I do (game changer), first let me..." which we learned, of course is some sort of delaying tactic or a touching-one-last-time of the old, unhealthy-but-comfortable thing/lifestyle/thinking process/drug - whatever it is they are trying to change.
You get to the point, I'm sure you've experienced yourself, when someone you know is going to come off the wagon or a have a significant regression of some sort. Its when they have made progress, begun to see positive things as a result of implementing techniques or they've been attending their AA/NA meetings regularly, telling everyone excitedly how well they've been doing, starting to preach the message - I think you even mentioned your husband getting to this point - and right as they reach that moment ... its almost as if they've reached a true crossroads within themselves; there's a moment of suspended animation when they are between worlds and they are truly free ... free to make a choice. They reach back.

But it seems like there are setbacks from human weakness that are too powerful to overcome at that moment and require redoubled efforts - like an army being repelled again and again from taking some objective where the overall intent to win the war is there - but then there is a kind of, I dunno - picture someone struggling to help their friend scale a rocky precipice that they've gone over, struggling through tears, exhaustion, near-slips for what must seem like an eternity to get the victim to safety - and just as he's right at the point where he's made it, he looks up at his helper's dirt-stained but joyful face, and with a smirk, just lets go of their hand.

' "What?? Was that for my benefit?!? You're so hateful that you consider yourself an expendable casualty just so you can deliver the ultimate ____ you!?!" ' The additive summation of all those relationship-sabotaging choices made over the years having that net effect, maybe."

https://forums.psychcentral.com/6255789-post8.html