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Old 09-08-2018, 01:20 AM
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Default Re: Don't Know How To Feel

Originally Posted by CasuallyAwkward View Post
Looking back at everything now, yes. I am at fault here. It sounds like me being upset a lot in the recent past caused Connie a lot of problems. I never wished any of that upon her and wish I could take it all back. I wanted to be more supportive of her transition. I was just so scared for her and didn't know what she was looking for. I thought I was doing so much better than I actually was. There's a reason the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists. I feel like I'm living that saying right now.

And at the same time, I'm feeling betrayed. I never knew this was a problem. They deliberately kept this a secret from me for AT LEAST 15 weeks. And they're both well aware that I'm autistic and can't actually check my own behavior. If I don't know there's a problem, I don't know what to look for or even that there's something to look for to begin with.

Pretty much the only constant is how alone I feel since a little over a week ago they were the circle of friends that I felt like I could trust. The only others I have left are someone who lives about two hours North of me, and someone who lives on the other side of the country.
How long ago was the falling out?

I am sorry you are feeling so anxious--there are many people in this world who are uncomfortable with confrontations (and because of this, delay telling a friend how they feel), though it would have been better for your friend to be up front with you, I hope you both can forgive each other.

Have you told your friend this (apologized to her)? If someone I cared about was transitioning to another sex, I would also feel this way >>("I wanted to be more supportive of her transition. I was just so scared for her") and might make some unhelpful statements (and I am not autistic.) I do hope you can get over your feelings of betrayal. Talking to your friend about it could help (if she is willing). I hope you and your friends work this all out. Hugs.
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