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nikon
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Closet
Posts: 842
5 yr Member
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Trig Sep 10, 2018 at 07:15 AM
 
i don't mean literally dreaming, but at the moment i can't stop imagining what it would be like to have had surgery already. i'm saving money but still have a considerable amount to save before i can afford it. i'm in recovery from an ed so don't know that i'll be fully comfortable in my body even then, but i just keep imagining what it would be like not to have this constant anxiety building up and making me round my shoulders to disguise my body. i do have a binder but it doesn't work that well, and where i live there aren't many options for buying binders. i don't have a credit card that i could use to buy one online. it's like the closer i get to being able to afford surgery, the more urgent it feels.

i don't know if it's internalized transphobia but sometimes i imagine that if someone saw me with my clothes off now, it would be like looking at a monster.

Last edited by nikon; Sep 10, 2018 at 07:16 AM.. Reason: trigger warning
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