Quote:
Originally Posted by Stone92
I had a conversation yesterday with a relative who actually asked if I minded being called a girl. It got me thinking. Why don't I care more? Should I?
I had the thought: "It's just another thing people don't know about me." Because I am very shy, and don't really reveal a lot about myself to people. I think I carry a lot of shame about myself from earlier in my life.
I don't want to resign myself to not caring how people see me. Or rather, if people see me. That's such a lonely existence.
I feel like I have to change my personality and hobbies to be 'normal' before I can really let people see me. I don't want to feel like that. That's nonsense. I want to feel good enough as I am. But how do I get there?
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how is it going now?
i don't think there's any way you "should" feel or act.
i went through a process that i now think was quite unhealthy. my family carried on misgendering me and calling me by my old name for months, even though i had taken a name suggested by my mom because it was closer to my old name. i felt really upset about it; it felt like i was being invalidated and that my family didn't really want me as i am - they wanted me to be something that pleased them, and it didn't matter if i hated myself that way.
i went into an inpatient treatment program that lasted for a long time, and the therapists there, i realise now, were really transphobic. they deliberately misgendered me and called me by the wrong name, and suggested that i should stop asking my family to call me by my name and with the correct pronouns, because i was being controlling. this created a huge amount of confusion for me, and i only realised afterwards that it doesn't actually matter if my transitioning makes others uncomfortable. it's not something i'm doing TO other people - their feelings about it are their responsibility.
there is no harm in asking people to correct themselves. i think for me i would say something if the person said something deliberately, or used the wrong pronouns or name repeatedly, as though they are ignoring who you really are. if people slip up but correct themselves i think saying something will probably only stress the relationship - people who do correct themselves will eventually just call you by the right name etc.