T: You are incredibly brave and I am almost always in awe of it whenever that side of you comes out. But I wonder how long you can keep this up.

Me: Isn’t this what people are expected to do? Keep yourself together, get on with life, move forward?

T: And what happens when that doesn’t work?

Me: Then you keep yourself busy. Keep yourself active.

T: Because if you stop moving, then everything will catch up to you

Me: I’m just trying not to completely fall apart

T: But Em, this is exactly the place to fall apart.

Me: So should I make sure to schedule my emotional breakdowns specifically so they will only occur session times?

T: I know you are being sarcastic, but there is some truth to that. Right now, you are not giving certain emotions any space because you are worried that you won’t be able to control them. You don’t have to control them here.

Me: What if I can’t control them after leaving here?

T: Then we can work on safety nets. We’ll plan for it. One thing to put on that list is contacting me during the week if things get too much.

Me: I might be too much for you.

T: Em, I know I’ve said this a lot, but I want to reiterate it because it’s true. I am partly responsible for helping you through this. And although my goal has always been to help you through this pain, I am very aware that I am also responsible for causing some of it. I ask you questions, push you to be vulnerable, and when you go out that door, that responsibility doesn’t stop.

Me: But aren’t you supposed to make sure you have strict boundaries

T: I do. I’ve never seen you even come close to crossing them. If you are worried about logistics and practicality, I deliberately schedule a specific amount of clients so there is enough time to focus on each one individually even after sessions. Em, you don’t have to worry about me.