Thank you for your reply. I am feeling pretty hopeless with most of this and right now pretty hard to see it from a positive side. I really felt like going to the emergency dept. today for mental health and checking in. Its a place ive been before and at the same time have been told would not be given a bed in the past unless I was either a threat to myself or others which i do not feel is the case 😢 its a confusing time and I guess I had sorta somewhere at least hoped things would start to get better instead of go way worse. I almost feel numb to it all like i cant feel anything other than the numbness and the anger. Despite knowing how bad it is for my health to feel this way and all the reading I do to try to figure out how to make it go away its always there just hanging around like a Jekyll and hyde I think is a description I have once heard before. I think when the anger first started it was just barely noticable and it started with a feeling that maybe my ego was growing and that i was starting to improve now it just turns into a full on rage at the snap of a finger it seems. I deleted my other social profile today on a different recovery site. I went into their chat room, someone told me it was ok to feel anger. I though ok, maybe it is ok to open up and put myself out there so i did and told almost everything i told here. I didnt get a single reply and i felt humiliated, I let them know and i deleted my profile 😕😔 more people have replied to me here than ever did there anyway so i am thankful for that.