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Old 09-17-2018, 09:44 AM  
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Default Re: feel like we need an advocate for finances, don't know where to go for help

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook View Post
He has tried and tried and tried to find other work. No luck. I am talking for a period of years. He was basically told in June this summer, don't worry, his dream job of university teaching as a visiting professor (with the possibility of it becoming permanent) would be his this fall, and then the entire department re-organized, the job never materialized. Things like that keep happening to him again and again and again. I don't understand it. He is so smart, I'd go so far as to say brilliant even though he is not ruthless, pushy, charismatic, bombastic. He is getting very depressed about everything. One day he came home this week, and said, "I think I'm done. I'm just done." and crying;he couldn't even hide it from our daughter (who was naturally upset at seeing him so low). That is the first time I've seen him so low since I've known him (2002) other than the time he needed back surgery in 2009 and was in so much pain he couldn't even pick up our daughter. There is not a point in relocating if he doesn't have a job waiting there for him.

My family is here and no one has the financial means to help us. His father & sister live in California (LA area). His mom died at the end of last December, and he & his sister had a feud over who should move in with his dad and take care of him, and his sister basically won the battle because she'd been living there the last month while his mom was on hospice. But his sister & her husband have a house with a 2nd mortgage on it (it had been paid off), completely empty, not selling, not renting, just have there stuff there and are leaving it there, spend money all the time going on pricy vacations, out to hunt
opal or to Vegas. They spent a fortune giving chiropractic treatments to a horse his sister bought even though the vet said the best thing to do was to put the horse down, and the horse ended up dying anyway. His sister has mental health issues but has been able to hold down a job. I nearly end up in the psych hospital every time I tried.
Sure, he may still have friends from childhood living out in California, but the cost of living is sky-high there. We can't afford to move there.
—get your temporary, then have your ap in for long term disability. The feds usually but not always deny the first time.That will give you some breathing space. Do you have an extra room in your house? It would take you some time to get your mind around this, but you can get a roommate on I did that to finance my grad school. Of course it would be better if your sister let you live in the empty house. Can you do some barter deal w her like mucking out horse stalls or something cleaner? There’s a lot of work on a farm.
Everything will be ok. I know it sounds like ******** now, pun intended, but you two are very smart and not everyone is. He will have the summer off to strategize more, get a summer job that may give him new ideas about a possible career change. He has to be on LinkedIn. You were a teacher, right, you know how hard it is (my h was an algebra teacher, I did elem and school libs w at risk kids). Wear the cheerleader hat even tho you r struggling yourself. Frankly I think u will be teaching again .IF UWANT THAT.
Now please, don’t fret if I got some details wrong or sister really won’t budge. You know that my main message is that that I know you two can do this. I know you can. It sucks right now, but w your brains and organizational skills, you can do this. It may be a long road, so hunker down and continue to defeat those problems one at a time. “IRemember..”, a member on this board posted a great list for dealing w mixed episodes. I think it was yesterday, Sunday, when he added that to an existing thread. You may have seen the thread by SkullandCrossbones on here. He has a doctorate but is sub teaching hs. S&C has some challenges that yr husband does not, but if hubby could find a forum of his own it might help him get thru this. I myself am really struggling with either making a really hard career change or hacking down the barriers while overqualified to do a work at home thing for less money. Can’t even decide so I lose my focus. Some family issues keep distracting me, hence the mixed episodes. Love you guys, all you guys. Such great info on this board!
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