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Old 09-19-2018, 02:07 PM  
FeelingConcerned
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Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3
Frown Hello and My Story

Hi Everyone! I am new to this group, and I'm currently feeling lost, concerned and frustrated. I am a parent to a college freshman. The back story is that my child is depressed and suicidal... she had attempted suicide several times over the past three years (without my knowledge). Fast forward to a few months ago, and I was called home from work -- my child was going to run away from home and try one last time to hurt/kill themselves. Police intervention was required, and a 2 week stay at an inpatient facility was mandated. While she was at the facility, found out all sorts of terrible things - not limited to talking to people who may have been grooming them to do illegal activities. Multiple drug tests came back positive for opioids. Keep in mind that this child is only 17. When I confronted her about her activities and why she lied for all this time, answers were vague. Yes, I should have been keeping a closer eye on things - she is such a good kid, never was in any trouble at home or school, and seemed to be happy. Was able to graduate a year early from high school and a straight A student. Involved in clubs, groups and volunteering. It never crossed my mind that she was into other, darker things. Only when I really looked back at all the behaviors did I see that the signs were there the whole time.



After her release from the facility, there was the weekly private therapy and psychiatrist appointments. Medicines were administered. Talks about going away to college was a reality if she continued to do well and the doctor/therapist agreed.



Present day - she is three weeks into freshman year of college; living on campus full time. Rules had been agreed to and everything was smooth sailing at first.

This past week has been nothing short of a living mess. Rules are being broken, she is being defiant, won't return my calls/texts and family members have had to intervene. She refuses to listen to anything I say, calling me "overprotective" and "asking garbage questions" when I ask if she is eating, sleeping and taking meds. Accusing me of not believing her when they tell me they are going to therapy. Stopped using text messages with friends on phone and went to another App that can't be monitored (I only checked the phone records online when I got the message that my data usage was through the roof). Only speaks to me by email now, and is refusing to come home on break (thanksgiving, winter, etc.) When I was firm with her about coming home for good if present behavior continues, she threatened to run away and wander the streets. Other family members also agree that something seems off, and that she may not be taking their medicines/going to therapy. Family members reported that she is being defensive to them as well, and uses language/tones that she never used before.



Here's where it gets tricky - I can't legally make her take her meds. I can't talk to her counselor without permission, which she said they will refuse. She has scholarship money paying for college, so I can't cut her off financially. At this point, I have backed off, agreed to just emailing when necessary (doctor appointments, etc.) and letting her stay with family members on breaks. Besides that, I feel like there is nothing else I can do. I think she scammed me into saying what needed to be said, and doing what needed to be done in order to go away to college where no one can keep an eye on them.



How do I as a parent, help her recover if they are pushing me away? I worry that she will fall into old patterns, which I think she already is (secretive, lying, defensive all of the time) -- and I want to genuinely help her. I want her to have a great and positive college experience, but know that it takes a village to do it, especially with the history of depression and anxiety. Talking to her lately is like talking to a wall, and I feel the more I push, the more she will back away.



At the same time, I also worry that she didn't share her past with anyone else on campus, so none of her friends will recognize the warning signs and stop her if she attempts something drastic. I don't want to get that phone call at 2 AM that she's in the hospital and she OD'd.


What do I do? Can anyone give suggestions, maybe been down this road before? I cry every time I think about the situation, and I feel helpless. I am a fixer by nature, and I can't fix this.



Please help, and thank you.
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