And how do I prevent myself from getting more and more unhealthy every day? I can't sit five minutes without smoking a cigarette, because she constantly keeps putting tension and pressure in all her various ways and I can't deal with it when I'm clean, like, juts myself without any support. Cigarettes have become my mental support.

I've started to feel very weak. Breathing problems, chest pains, coughing, sneezing all day. I can't bear it.