I'm sorry I don't think there is really anything I can offer here with regard to this post in particular. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. From my non-professional perspective, what you described sounds as though it could be OCD-related. But it could also simply be symptoms of high levels of anxiety & stress I would suppose. I think it can be difficult to parse this sort of thing out & say this symptom goes with this diagnosis & that symptom goes with that one.

I went back & took a look at your first post here on PC. And I'll share with you that, although I'm a wee bit older than you are... [70!] I know exactly what you were talking about in that post. You've mentioned having seen multiple psychiatrists. And I know you wrote that you still have an outstanding balance due with your latest pdoc. I don't recall you mentioning if you see a mental health therapist. And I don't know if you could. If you don't have health insurance perhaps money is an issue for you?

I don't, of course, know how things work where you live. But where I live all most psychiatrists do is to prescribe & monitor psych med's. (I no longer see one. But when I did, I was in-&-out of his office in a matter of 10 or 15 minutes tops four times a year.) Any-&-all in-depth discussion of concerns is left to mental health therapists. And I would have to say, based on my own experiences struggling with concerns similar to yours, that talking everything through at-length & in-depth, is really important. It's important to air all of this out & let the sunshine in. And you can't do this, I don't believe, with family members or friends. Allowing all of this to continue to rumble around through your thoughts is a prescription for ongoing unhappiness & distress. (You clearly already know that.) I know this is true myself because I've spent a lifetime hiding my own despair. And it has taken its toll. So I'd like to encourage you to find some way to talk through all of what has happened with you. Please don't follow in my footsteps. They don't lead anywhere you want to go. I hope that in some way you can find a path to deep peace within.