I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I don't believe I am the right member to be replying to your post. But I thought your post definitely warranted a reply & I wanted to let you know I read it & I wish you well. Hopefully there will yet be other members who will feel they have something they can share regarding your situation.

What flashed through my mind, reading your post, was the way abusive spouses will apologize for their abuse & promise it will never happen again but then turn around & keep on doing the same thing. To my way of thinking, what your husband is doing amounts to a control tactic. He's basically using it as a way to "keep you on the hook", so to speak. He's guilting you. And unfortunately, from what you wrote, it sounds as though it's working. To my way of thinking... at some point, unless you want to go on living this way indefinitely, you're going to be forced to call his bluff. He either has to do what he has to do to heal or you're done. Perhaps that sounds harsh. Perhaps it is. But I don't see any other way out of the situation. My best wishes to you...