Hey, I've just come to this site because of similar reasons and happened on your post. I'm bi (not open at all) and my sexual orientation is based around shame. Funnily enough the gay part doesn't bother me (or maybe I'm just in denial as I can't talk about it lol) but I find being turned on by things I perceive as shameful has been crippling to my self esteem. I think I'm a good person but I can't stop hating myself when I think of those things... Though there's differences in our situations I hadn't heard of internalised homophobia, thanks for your post it helped me learn a little!