Hi there. Im a 29yr old female and I get aroused by things that I find shameful and involve loss of control, like bdsm or same sex intercourse.
I've known since I was 10 that I have these tendencies but I've never acted on them (I tried to do some bdsm with my ex bf but I ended up unable to communicate what I wanted and found myself self loathing, disgusted and less attracted to him as he is slightly masochistic like myself). I also suffer from social anxiety and have never felt comfortable enough to really put myself out there, even asking for vanilla sex I find excruciatingly embarrassing.
I want to get past my own self hatred and anxiety and enjoy sex, but how do I do this with a shy personality (at least sexually) with such out there needs?
Has anyone ever been in the same situation? I'm quite confused and have never explored these thoughts of mine properly so any comment or input is very welcome! Cheers