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Old 09-23-2018, 03:50 PM
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Blueberrybook Blueberrybook is offline
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Location: La Porte, TX
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,736 (SuperPoster!)

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Default Re: who else has an ED no one sees?

EDs can be and are invisible to alot of people, I agree, but I am talking about it being invisible to your SO, particularly if you are married or live together. Then, you tell them I think I am having a problem, and they say, no, you just run a lot because of stress. You donít have an ED. I canít see it.

H and I had a long talk last week about our marriage, my psych diagnoses, he blew off the ED. But then, I told H, you donít understand, the running connects to my weight, connects to my self-esteem and anxiety. I donít want his pity or telling me what to do, but I do want him to realize I am fighting the same monster I did in college (still the toughest thing I have ever done) and to realize while the solution might be simple to him, it is not so straightforward to me. I know I ultimately make my own fate. Even if a person ends up weight restored after a stay at an ED place, the instant they get out, they will go back to their old ways unless they truly want to change.

But IDK, maybe I am not able to stress my problems well or even my pain (physical or otherwise). I told H I was having problems with my memory, and I donít think he took it seriously until he saw it firsthand yesterday when I was just trying to clean one kitchen counter. And then, he was like whoa! Call your pdoc right now! (Pdoc does have a mobile number he uses for pretty urgent matters that are not 911 matters over the weekend or while on vacation; pdoc told me to lower the dosage of a med.). If itís not the psych meds or stress, maybe I need to see the PCP, get other stuff tested. H said heíd thought I was acting a little ditzy, but he in no way realized how bad it was. Suddenly, H was like this issue is extremely urgent. And I really think the memory issue is not caused by the ED; even at its worst, the ED never made me have such difficulties with memories and not during my last relapse either.

Same thing happened when I was pregnant, having contractions, dilated 6 cm when we got to the hospital. All morning I had told H I was having contractions, but I guess I acted so calm about the amount of pain (which got worse and worse) until our last 30 minutes or so at home when I was crying from the pain and told H we needed to go to the hospital now. He kept saying no way was I having contractions (later he said I just didnít seem to convey quite how much pain I was in), and when we got to the hospital, I was 6 cm dilated, and by 9 PM that night we had a new baby girl.

So part of it maybe that I donít easily convey very extreme, hard, or difficult things, which makes it often seem to others if I say things are bad or very bad, they just canít be, looking at things on the surface.
Bipolar 1 mixed features, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

Bupropion XL 150 mg, Seroquel 400 mg, Lamictal 400 mg, Clonazepam 1 mg 4/day, Clonidine 0.3 mg, Propanolol 10 mg 3/day, Buspar 30 mg 2/day, Adderall 40 mg, Trazodone 25 mg, Protonix 20 mg (ulcer) , Gabapentin 600 mg (fibro), Tizandine 4 mg 4/day (fibro)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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