Girl From Europe-
A mental health provider in my past complimented me and then began talking in sexual innuendos. I was hungry for the attention. He made me feel special- he made me last patient of the day so he could spend more time with me, he said.

We talked about a lot of things. He listened to me, sympathized and gained my trust. At the end of sessions he would initiate full-body hugs.

Eventually he asked me to relate any sexual fantasies I had of him... I trusted him, I thought this was part of therapy..I hadn’t been having fantasies of him but since that’s what he wanted, I made something up.

Our relationship progressed. He would call me some evenings just to chat. He spoke cryptically on the phone, ‘I’ve wanted to ask you...I think I know the answer, but...’ then he stopped talking. I asked him, what? I had no idea. Then, in session, he told me that intimacies with him would be part of therapy and help ‘get me out there’ in the dating world. I had seen him for a year or more by this time.

Gullible, naive, the relationship went where it ethically shouldn’t have. I felt happy, on top of the world. I even entertained the thought, ‘what if I had his child?’

Suddenly, intimacies stopped. When I asked, why? When? He said, he’d let me know if we’d ever be intimate again. I was confused. When I pressed him for detail, he said he had heart issues and we couldn’t be intimate anymore. He even showed me his bottle of Cardizem, a heart medication. I noticed on the bottle that he had prescribed it to himself. When he noticed me reading the bottle, he jerked it out of my hands.

I tried to tell him how much I cared and we didn’t need to be intimate for me to care. He went back to being a blank-slate therapist. I was heart broken.

‘Therapy’ became all about our ‘relatiobship’ ..or the lack of one..and Medicare paid for most of it, I paid cash for the balance. I *paid him* to exploit me.

He finally suggested we go on a walk. He didn’t want his receptionist to hear. (Our intimacies were secret. He said in some circles, intimacies with clients were ‘frowned upon.’) On our walk, he made it all my fault: ‘ You PROMISED me you could handle this! Why can’t you handle this?’ He said he had been intimate with me because he ‘felt sorry for me.’ He said, ‘see these street people? I had sex with you because I felt sorry for you like I feel sorry for street people.’

Later, I found out he had told his receptionist he was taking me ‘on the walk’ because I was ‘dangerous.’

I had trusted him. Even then I thought, at worst, he had just made a mistake being intimate with me. I still cared about him. My self-esteem had soared. Now I felt crushed, insignificant, confused.

There’s more he did that I know now was unethical. He exploited me financially, talked me out of a bunch of money. He said he would manage it for me so I wouldn’t spend it all.

Ridiculous, right? But because I trusted him and he listened to me...all these things made sense when they occurred. He ‘groomed’ me gradually.

It didn’t occur to me to leave and find another therapist ..at least not until a year later. He never tried to refer me to another therapist. But I would have fought to stay.

I felt like I needed him no matter how confusing our relationship was.No one else would understand me like he did.

I see some of me in your story.

I got out of the relationship, finally. Now looking back I understand he never helped me with the problems that brought me to therapy. He gave me more, new issues and pain and betrayal to deal with.

My therapist was unethical but I wanted to make allowances for him..until a year later when he was arrested for doing something similar to another young client. Eventually, there were seven clients who came forward.

Everything turned ugly very quickly.

When he was questioned by the medical board he claimed I was a ‘known prostitute.’ He said, yes he had received a significant sum of money from me. He claimed it was his fee for filling out two paragraphs on a disability form.

Your therapist is being unethical. I hope you weigh whether he is helping you with the issues you brought to therapy...or if he is just giving you new issues to deal with.

Best wishes.