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Old 10-01-2018, 08:09 AM  
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Default Re: Welcome to our Substance/Alcohol Abuse Support Group

Originally Posted by niqa22 View Post
Someone needs to know the truth. Anybody at this point.
I am in desperate need of help and guidance. I am struggling with addiction in a major way.
In turn I have not kept track of my bi polar at all and at this point dont even know where I am

at emotionally. Physically I am ill. I have flu. I vomit. I barely eat. I sometimes dont know how I am
But I am afraid. I am very afraid. If this goes on it might be too late before I even realize it and I do not want this to happen. I have been using cocaine almost on a daily basis for 2 months. (I relapsed)

I do not speak to my therapist or psychiatrist because all they suggest does not work for me.
My psychiatrist says I am intellectualizing but I dont know how to explain the system of the 12 step
program is not me. It does not work for me. I dont say this out of hate but out of experience.

I am desperate to stay clean but I need to find a way that works for me or I will never stay clean.
with that said right now I just need help.

I dont speak to my therapist or psychiatrist because of trust issues regarding them telling my parents when I am 39 years old. I want to speak to them openly and honestly but would like it to stay in the room and not reported back to my family. But yes I know "honesty"

I am desperate to be honest.

please advise, because I am at a loss and I am tired of this spiral. I am scared I end up dead (be it a heart attack, a stroke or suicide)

Hi niqa22. Hang in there friend. Your situation may seem hopeless right now but things can always change for the best.

Have you considered checking into rehab? There's a possibility they might be 12 Step based, but that's okay because you could also explore other options as well, within a safe, supportive environment? And once you get a little clean time under your belt things may begin to change for the better. I think it's worth some thought.
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