Worst night ever. They (the idiots upstairs) made noise all night long so had no sleep and feel terrible.

I really hate night-times now, and have for the past few years since these horrible idiots moved in. I call them idiots because I just don't know what else to call them, don't know how to even describe them. Obviously I'm not allowed to sleep, I get that, and in the summer when it's warm and light I usually stay up until whenever it goes quiet (if it does). I have to use earplugs with a white noise mp3 to drown out some of it, the screaming at least, but can definitley still hear all the banging and slamming doors or whatever it is they do.

But winters are torture. It's too cold to stay up all night, can't afford to have lights on all night and I can't really do much when I stay up. Too tired, can't focus on anything or concentrate, or sometimes even just keep my eyes open. If I try to read anything my eyes hurt and the text just blurs into a mess and I can't read, if I try to write (journal) my hands are too weak. There's really nothing I can do, so I end up just sitting there with my eyes shut, daydreaming. I realised I might as well just do that in bed and save electric and gas.

But then I have to lie there and listen to the banging and screaming. Lying still is uncomfortable. Sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's too hot. I try to put my fingers over my ears and push that little flap down, because the earplugs are not enough. But that is very uncomfortable, and sometimes painful. My arms ache and start to go numb and if my nails are long then they stick into the skin and that hurts. It's basically a psychological torture I can't escape from.

I wish night-time didn't exist and that it stayed light and warm all the time. That way I could just stay up and do things. I know the tiredness would stop me then though. Eventually I wouldn't even be able to move. At least if I'm lying down and have my eyes closed it feels more like rest. I feel better in the morning that way rather than just staying up. I've stayed up all night in the past and there are no words to describe how bad it is.

This isn't really asking for help or answers as I know there is none. And I know someone will say "move out" though I'm going to say for the 10000000th time, that's NOT an option, that's NOT possible. If it was I would have done it years ago! I'm just ranting, because I feel like I need to get it out.