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CatLover007
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CatLover007 I know I'll never be quite normal, but I want to be healthy and I want to care about myself.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: In an Invisible Indestructible Unremovable Box.
Posts: 42
5 yr Member
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Default Oct 08, 2018 at 10:18 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeverPitch View Post
Because I didn't want to believe I was assaulted twice, by two separate people, on the same day.

Because I never should've let a stranger drive me home
Because even though I said "I don't want anything sexual," I let him keep flirting
Because when he [ trigger ]stopped the car next to an empty field and stuck his fingers inside me[ /trigger ], I froze up instead of fighting him off
Because I was wearing lacy lingerie, so I must've wanted it
Because [ trigger ]he made me come[ /trigger ], and he knew it
Because I eventually consented to [ trigger ]give him head[ /trigger ] out of fear he would hurt me if I didn't (though he pushed me further anyway)
Because I thought "it was more coercive than nonconsensual"
Because I didn't want to have to explain the rest of my recent sex life to the police
Because by the time I realized I had been violated and wasn't just freaking out about nothing, I had already blocked his messages and forgotten his name

Because he was supposed to be my friend
Because we had already been kissing
Because I wasn't sure that "I'm not comfortable with you [doing the specific thing he started doing two seconds later]" was an explicit enough no
Because how was I the victim [ trigger ]if he went down on me[ /trigger ]?
Because once I realized it was assault, it was two weeks before he was supposed to leave for Europe
Because he was really popular in my college dance scene and I thought the organizers wouldn't believe me and everyone would hate me
Because I didn't want to "ruin his life"
Because my own mother told me that letting him into my room was implicit consent
I believe you! That was wrong of your mother to say. You matter. You deserve to be comfortable. If letting strangers into your room was implicit consent, many more people could have had sex with me... I hope you recover. You deserve to feel safe.
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Thanks for this!
FeverPitch