Thread: can you report?
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hislua
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Member Since Mar 2017
Location: USA
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Confused Oct 08, 2018 at 10:30 PM
 
specifically abuse where there were no physical boundaries crossed, but other types of boundaries?

i feel like i can't report because he never touched me or made explicitly sexual comments to me.

other than briefly mentioning some of his past sexual experiences, the abuse was more emotional (but there was some seductiveness to it). he knew i was in love with him and used it against me. he'd known my past and how vulnerable i was.
he played mind games. he deprived me of my teenage years and i swear i'll be scarred forever. i myself know i was abused. probably being groomed. but how can i prove that? all i have are my memories of things he said over the years, and even those are kind of blurry. he seriously messed me up.

these are a few of the things that i believe are noteworthy in terms of what others would consider inappropriate. i'd also like to preface all of these things happened while i was 14-18, and he was 32-35:

- he talked about his dislike/annoyance for his wife. he said "marriage isn't for everyone. certainly not for me". there was also one day where he was obviously distressed, and when i asked what was wrong, he said "you're one of the first people i'm telling this to. *insert wife's name* is pregnant". then he went on to say that his wife was expecting a girl, and that he thought god was punishing him with another daughter because he treated girls badly when he was younger. seriously. and let me also mention that i learned that his wife divorced him recently. apparently he cheated. but i digress.
- he talked a lot about himself in general. his other job that he hates, his experiences when he was younger, honestly just his issues in general. clearly he had a lot that he needed to work out for himself in therapy instead of letting his heart out to a teenage girl. i ever told him he should get a therapist. he said he had one but stopped going.
- i asked him one day if he loved me. at this point i was feeling so tortured. i was either 16 or 17. he said something like "i've always had a really hard time with that word. i don't think i ever really loved someone until *insert first daughter's name* (((not his wife???)))". then he said something like "i care about you very much and the way i feel is equal to that word".
- there was that one time he said, laughing about something i said, "oh i love you. and hate. you can't have one without the other".
- always said "i need you as much as you need me". always said he cared about me. how he "wouldn't let me leave" (joking?). talked about how mature i was for my age. those typical grooming words, in my opinion.

there was a lot more. these are just the first things that come to my mind. a lot of it is blurry and i've repressed so much.

i guess i'm just looking for feedback on whether or not this stuff is worth reporting. i've done a lot of research about my state's laws and stuff but i'm still not really sure. i guess i also don't know what the benefit would even be. i don't think he would get his license revoked because he didn't do anything really sexual. yeah he crossed boundaries and wasn't ethical and was literally just a bad therapist, but is that something worth reporting? would the board care? is the stuff i mentioned that bad? i have no idea at this point.

p.s. i'm currently seeing a new therapist who says she supports my decision regardless of whether or not i choose to report. however she is pretty young and new to the practice and doesn't know anything about the process of reporting. so i'd do it myself. which is fine. i already know how. i just don't know if i should, or can.
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