I'm sorry you are the midst of this difficult, confusing situation. What you wrote reminded me of the concept of "gaslighting". Here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of gaslighting, it's harmful effects, & how to deal with it plus links to 2 articles on the subject of addiction:

Signs of Gaslighting and the Cost

How to Understand Gaslighting

Gaslighting: What It Is and Why It's So Destructive | The Psychology of Self

7 Ways to Extinguish Gaslighting

Gaslighting: How Addicts Drive Loved Ones Over the Edge | Sex and Intimacy

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...ugs-over-love/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...y-addicts-lie/