Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ
Hello,
I definitely relate to this a bit. One thing that bothers me is when people call me by my name and add a "y" at the end. I won't share my name, but for example, say my name is Chris. In my case people would call me Chrissy; totally a product of seeing me as naive and passive and younger. This is invalidating and totally inappropriate. I definitely have started to challenge this notion more and more. There was a time when I was extremely regressed in life, living at my parents place in my twenties without any direction in the world where it seemed more appropriate, but now it doesn't make much sense. I still regress and feel younger but I don't think it's so obvious.
I have heard that abusive parents are likely to infantilize their children whom they dependent on. Like the Mother who says she doesn't need her child around anymore but secretly does. It's a subtle form of abuse that keeps their child dependent on her mother so as to meet the mother's unconscious fears of being alone and feeling needed. Unfortunately this is common in abusive relationships and abusive homes. It can literally keep someone from getting away and gaining the skills needed to survive in the world.
I think this is an important issue and I am interested to see what others have to say.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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Oh wow! Everything you talked about here in your second paragraph is true for me (at least that's what my family and I think). I believe with everything in me that my grandmother needs help (which is obvious to anyone). However, instead of asking for help she was determined to bully me into staying with her and not just just ask for the help she needs.
I told the people helping me to get free from her that I'm literally like a very responsible child in an adult body.
Pete Walker in his book Surviving to Thriving shares an example that sounds just like me. He writes, "...Synchronistically, his mother realized she was getting old...Not wanting to be alone, she exploited his compassionate nature and primed him for domestic service for as long as she would need it. Sean remained living at home until his mother's death released him from emotional captivity at the age of twenty-nine. This was the codependent enslavement that we'll explore more in chapter 7..."
When I tell you that I was so regressed that I could see no way to live without my grandmother I meant it. Now, I realize she played on my struggles with MI to get out of me what she wanted. She pretty much became an invalid because I did everything, but she would tell everyone that I was too unstable to take care of anything (especially when I was breaking free of her). She also guilt tripped me (as dysfunctional families do) by bringing up what I was supposed to do for family. Her favorite complaint whenever I dared to speak up was, "After everything I've done for you!"
We literally got into an argument a few months back and she literally got in my face like she was going to hit me because I dared to assert myself.