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Old 10-12-2018, 12:28 PM
here today here today is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: SE USA
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here today here today is offline
Magnate
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Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 2,986

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Default Re: I think the time is coming...

It was a crappy culture, and a crappy family dynamic that I was born into. My temperament was different from most, and there was an abandonment trauma at 3 that "broke" something.

I've gotten that perspective on things from years and years of therapy. But not a better adaptation to reality, to the world, to other people.

Several weeks after I wrote the OP I injured my foot, the doctors didn't diagnose a hairline fracture at first, a podiatrist told me 2 weeks ago to stay off it for at least 4 weeks (two more to go). That is realistically very difficult -- I live alone and have 4 cats to take care of. And how much did I damage it walking on it before they told me to stay off?

What annoys me the most, though, is the medical system's overlooking of me reminds me of the extent to which I "trusted"/idealized the mental health system, the idea of therapy, to "help" me become a person who did fit in somehow. Who was worthy. Something . . .

All those years. . .It didn't "work". . .Don't know what would have, I've tried 12-step programs, religion, other forms of spirituality.

I like the notion of one step at a time, too, but the time comes when the stepping will end.

In the meantime, I am trying to stay off the foot as much as possible, because I don't know for sure. But I surely am ready for it to be over -- except for the cats. I need to stay around for awhile to take care of them, they are aged 15 and maybe 17. They have special diets and medications and one gets allergy shots twice a week. Hope I can continue to take care of them till they go relatively peacefully.
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