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tevelygo
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tevelygo has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: Hungary
Posts: 191
5 yr Member
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Default Oct 12, 2018 at 06:46 PM
 
As for my OP... I have forced myself outside my head, for the last couple of weeks, not allowing myself to go into the disconnecting coping mechanism. I felt ready to try this, tried before but failed fast, this time I have been staying outside consistently. So this is a new phase. I have been extremely emotional as a result, it even upset my hormones (as a woman), and it is incredibly draining to me to experience this much emotion so directly, but maybe I am getting used to it slowly. And they can be visceral emotions more than before. Not so disconnected anymore overall. I have not been able to work harder yet, but I do feel I'm on the right track with no longer letting myself be distracted. I have not needed to sleep for too long anymore and am not apathetic about the outside world as much anymore... i.e. the negative symptoms might abate if I keep going like this. And my thoughts have become even clearer than before while processing all this emotion. I also definitely seem to be past the borderline phase, I was wrong when I said I left it fully before, but now it seems to be better. But I do need to (re)learn emotional control more, desensitivize to all this emotionality. The great thing overall is that my positive emotionality does not seem disconnected anymore. I can't say I have harnessed yet it for motivation but I am hoping I'll get there... and I interact more with the people around me, and quite naturally and I feel open in a good way.

So let's call the previous phase some transitional phase and call this one some overemotional phase lol - but not borderline, it's not that kind of loss of emotional control, I express almost none of these emotions.
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