I'm still upset about earlier today (which I posted about in another forum on psychcentral).

I want to cry. I want to cry really bad. I'm struggling because I'm slipping into my learned helplessness response. I'm trying not to want to give up. I'm trying to remember self care because I'm wanting to just give up and go back into bad habits that don't keep me healthy (wanting to not take my meds tonight and stay up until all hours).

BUT I WON'T.

I'm so happy that I have, even if only a very small, victory. I'm going to take care of myself and get adequate sleep, and I'm not blaming myself for not being equipped to deal with certain parts of life. It's not my fault that I experienced trauma and it's aftermath.

I'm in a safe place and I'm okay. This emotional flashback will pass. I have another victory in that I'm letting out my hurt and reaching out (not bottling it up and isolating). I almost can't believe how I'm...coping...right now. I really am coping. Praise Yah for this. I still have hope.

Don't get me wrong I'm still having a moment where I'm...angry (wow I can't believe I can access and recognize anger and that it's a normal human emotion and that it isn't necessarily bad or means that I have to respond to it in a negative way). But it's going to be okay.

I will survive this. HalleluYah for small victories.