so I've always been a bit "odd",including my sleeping tendencies, but it's gotten increasingly "weirder". continuous vigilance has given way to hypervigilance which sometimes gives way to paranoia, but I've recently noticed it only gets to that point if I'm extremely tired and fight it. I've always experienced little hallucinations when I'm tired/falling asleep/not doing anything stimulating, but it's gotten significantly more frequent and I've begun to associate them with something sinister, sometimes creating relatively complex delusional ideas around them. I'll hear a phone ring and have someone tell me there is no phone ringing, sometimes I'll end up believing the phone sound is really some device in my head or everyone is trying to drive me crazy or make me believe I am for some sinister purpose. I sometimes have an increasingly complex theory of "them" - someone or something unknown above the government that somehow actually controls everything, and believe "they" are "after me". paranoid schizophrenia is prevalent in my family so that's been a main concern, but the fact that I'm always tired and only experience these feelings when tired, as well as the fact that I often hallucinate while falling asleep, waking up, and sometimes wake up hallucinating while unable to physically move makes me wonder if narcolepsy may be a possibility. I used to have vivid nightmares as a kid if always remember, but haven't remembered any dreams in years. only a few weeks ago it occurred to me that when I am hallucinating and experiencing paranoia, it feels like dreaming did back when I remembered my dreams - I wonder if it's possible I'm actually halfway dreaming during these experiences. I never considered narcolepsy because I misunderstood it, I thought cataplexy = randomly falling asleep and that that was a necessary part of narcolepsy, but did some reading on it and wonder if I might experience that as well. when I'm truly extremely angry, especially, my limbs turn into jello after a tingling sensation and I feel the immediate need to prop myself up against something or sit down, and have sometimes tripped and fallen because I just can't move my legs properly. I always thought that was an adrenaline surge or something.
considering narcolepsy as a possibility is extremely comforting considering it scares me less than schizophrenia lol. I gotta say I know amphetamines worsen schizophrenic symptoms but completely alleviate mine (no prescription, I've done them recreationally) so maybe it's because that wakes me up and my symptoms are really caused by being half asleep? either way, good news or bad news, any feedback or things I can read etc would be appreciated.