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Old 10-17-2018, 01:25 PM
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Poohbah
 
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connect.the.stars A star fell over the edge of the sky
 
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Location: California
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Default Asking For Help

Recently, I have injured my leg and I am unable to move much or leave the house without someone taking me in the car. I can't drive because I injured my right foot. I feel bad asking people for help with so many simple tasks like grabbing a pillow for me, helping me shower, making me food, driving me to doctor's appointments.


I also feel bad when people ask me how I am feeling. I want to lie and pretend I am doing okay, but in reality, I think I am depressed again. It makes me feel bad because I know I shouldn't be depressed. I have so many people helping support me. I need to stay positive and not let this injury get in the way of the things I want to do. But the guilt of continuing to ask for more still gets to me. I hate asking for help and being needy. But I also know that I need help with certain things. It's just there is a limit to how much I can ask of certain people at a time.


My background: I believe I grew up with CEN. At a young age, I learned to not ask for anything because my parents were away and busy with work. They only wanted me to do well in school. Nothing else about me really mattered. I learned to repress my negative emotions. As a teenager, I never discussed issues with heartbreak or feeling lonely or having desires to go outside and play instead of being stuck at home. During college, I had my first depression break down. I didn't tell anyone at home because I felt they wouldn't understand.


I think my background of CEN is making it harder for me to ask for help when I need it. I already normally don't like to ask for help and prefer being independent. I am also not good with managing my emotions (I have trouble identifying what I am feeling, I have trouble opening up to people about my negative emotions, I constantly cry for no reason).


I am wondering if anyone has advice or tips for how I should manage my guilty feelings when it comes to depending on others for both physical and emotional help. I feel like there must be something wrong with my current mindset that I need to change.
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