Hi Hastings101,
I am sorry you are going through this. You describe the situation eloquently but my guess is living through all of it is one hundred times harder than words can describe. Whilst it all doesn‘t make sense and you are trying to figure out what is going on and why your husband is spiralling out of control, some days and situations more some less....Here are some things I see in your description, and I really mean no harm by saying that, so if it isn‘t helpful consider it just a reflection by a fellow Psych Central member: freaking out over a sick doctor and over medical members of your family observing their professional ethics by not subscribing p-meds isn‘t cool and from what you say you recognize that. You need to not only not feed into that (as you say) but distance yourself from the violent behavior he displays by breaking things. It isn‘t safe for you and probably also not for your stepson. You probably want the best for him by trying to get him meds and therapy but by tolerating that kind of over-the-top behavior you are actually „normalizing“ it. Believe me I know how hard it is to shut him out when you just want to help. But please also believe me that by not recalibrating your standards for what is acceptable i.e healthy behavior around you and your family you are helping him realize that it won‘t be the meds and the p-docs who fix his mental issues but first and foremost he himself.

After 15 years of living with a PD partner myself I often feel I no longer know what a „normal“ reaction to anything is but I have learnt to know what I can‘t tolerate for my own good and sanity. And I have also learnt that nothing, and I mean NOTHING I do matters unless my partner wants his life and our relationship to improve. The first step, and in our case by far the hardest, was for him to recognize that he has to want help
(medication, therapy, accept his diagnosis) and work hard on himself. In hindsight, I know that without that, despite all my love for him, my best intentions, the therapies I had, the dozens of books I read, the forums and help groups I am in, the couple‘s therapy we had ... our relationship would have ended in disaster.

None of this might apply to you and your husband...so please don‘t misunderstand my post to be patronizing. Just a perspective. I truly wish for you and your stepson that your situation gets better and soon!