I was not referring to that characteristic as being wrong. Rather, this was a symptom that something was wrong with me and this "wrong" was way deeper than this one symptom. It was part of the mask I was wearing, myself being almost completely dead behind the mask. This deadness was the wrongness I was referring to.

I think this period was the first important test my T passed successfully. Although I guess he might have had quite strong feelings at that time and he did not resist being seduced, it seems he never really got hooked and he certainly did not collude with me.