Interest in BDSM is not uncommon, and there's nothing non-vanilla or weird about gay sex. Some mild BDSM stuff is so common and tame that it might as well be considered vanilla... e.g. spanking, light choking, restraints. There are so many weird fetishes, maybe just be glad that you don't have anything really far out and rare? lol. There are plenty of potential partners out there who want the same things and aren't going to judge you, in fact they'll love it!

It's a tough one, because what's going on is several probably deep issues about self esteem, social anxiety, shame, being uncomfortable with sexuality. The most obvious first step would be therapy, maybe even one who specifically deals with sexual issues. Also books and online communities, sex-positive stuff.