From what I've read, narcissists often don't recognise they have a personality disorder. And if they do, they don't care about it. Because you feel so scared and ashamed of these apparent traits, and you're so open and eager to change, I really doubt you have NPD. Why do you want to change? What's scary about it?

Sometimes children of narcissists can show traits, because that's how they were raised and it's sort of a defence mechanism against the parent. But it's not "true" NPD. A lot of people have traits of narcissism (distinguished from the personality disordered version), it doesn't make them NPD. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist first before you go adopting such a serious label. I'm no psychiatrist obviously, but I think NPD of all things is one that you don't want to self-diagnose.