I've had two job interviews the last two days. The first one was for a part time car detailer (cleaner), and for custodial work in apartment buildings. I feel good about the former the most because there seems to be good morale there.

I just need something to happen. I'm seriously considering calling my bank, or whoever, and declaring bankruptcy. It's drastic and it will kill my credit rating and any chance for self employment. It will likely impact my Second Career application too, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Disability is not enough for me to live off of with bills and expenses continuing to pile up. I'm sick of pulling my Dad's teeth for help (even though both parents have said to not be afraid to ask for help) and borrowing money from him and my mom is no longer an option.

I've just been dealt a ****** hand. Bad financial management kind of runs in the family. Just like some people are born lucky, some are born unlucky and are destined to lose and not go anywhere. I have been so irritable and angry. My Grandmother's dementia is worse than ever and everyone is at a breaking point. My Mom refuses to put her in a nursing home after hearing about elder abuse. Not to mention I have cats that get in my face and won't give me a minute's peace.

I just don't know what to do anymore. If I knew that my life would be half as bad as this, I would've never have asked to have been born. I guess it's time to wave the white flag and give up.

For anyone who wishes to leave a comment, please don't use the phrase "Hang in there" as it drives me to drink. To me, it's another way of saying, "Suck it up." I'll try to check my Facebook regularly, but I just need to be alone right now. I'm thinking of going to the Emergency room, but I don't want to wait 12 hours to see a doctor since any mental health problem is usually on the back burner. If I was addicted to drugs or alcohol it would be a different story.