Hastings101, yes you are a rational person and you also have deep feelings for your husband. I understand and I hear you. What you wrote in your response could have come straight from my heart, it‘s like a page out of my life at times. The one thing that sometimes averts these terrible anger attacks and lashing out at everyone, blaming everyone else is just to listen and acknowledge that my partner is hurting and - as you say - can‘t help it. I just wish it weren‘t so hard to balance that with withstanding the emotional attacks. I wish you the very best, stay strong and don‘t compromise on the treatment he has to go get for your lives to improve. Sending you the very very best!
A resource that might help you is the book by R. Kreger „Stop Walking on Eggshells“ - some of the behavior you describe is reflected on in the book with some insights I found helpful.