Hugs... ShovelHead.
Go you, seriously!
I am sorry if this is long and unwanted but..
Me...I used to love coke, while in reality I used to grab anything-- coke held a special place in my heart, as it made me numb and a different self could come out and play.. I didn't care I was "messed up", I embraced some of it even.. though my journey may differ from others.
Coke was one substance that for me, I was addicted to.
haven't done coke since April 2008 ... I still get cravings ... and it took a few slips before the last time...
I often times In the beginning would ask myself
"Why would I go do it? I have went this much time " some times play the game of "why not to do it" or "what can I do besides that to feel better" which from your posts If understand, you relate.
May not be till months later or even year later, I'd realize how those small moments of triumph meant so much.
They add up.
And also I am a believer that if one slips, they can always try again ((cigs are my struggle these days ... I slip a lot but I find when I beat myself up on it, my "quit tomorrow " is longer than if I forgave myself )).. there's articles on this topic too.. self forgiveness can be a powerful thing.
I sometimes wish I would had gotten professional help earlier, always told it would had made things easier but any help, art, self care... etc is still so valuable. A tool box some call it... things to assist you while you go through your journey.
Many well thoughts...
I wish Leed was here, they helped me ((and many)) with some words of wisdom when I first joined PC... very kind and supportive soul.. their post I would like to share with you as I feel it holds merit - they posted a lot in this section..
Discipline