Tonight I had a hard time with control of irritation. A lot of yelling kids over for the weekend. I took propranolol for it (for anger like I'm sposta) but I still couldn't get ahead. I drank wine because I was super angry and didn't care that I was mixing the two. I cared some when I started feeling sick. But it's not like the hospital will actually understand or help. They'll unjustly call me an addict and take my meds.
Right now I'm sposta take my benzos but dunno if I can or should. My head hurts but I know I can't ask anyone without that tool being taken too "for my safety".
They're getting worse here and I think whatever progress has been made will go backwards here where I live because of the added homeless and addiction problems. Ppl are attacking staff. They were really weirded out when I was there.
When I asked that things not be done to me so that we could all be ok , they asked if I would attack them. Then I got really mad and walked away from them and security came over, I guess ready to tackle me if I was a problem. It was scary.
Deny me the meds that keep me chill then blame me for freaking out during forced withdrawal.
Way uncool