Thanks for sharing your distress here on PC. My situation is entirely different. But in my own way, I know something about how you feel. Unfortunately, as you no doubt realize, you can only change yourself. If your husband can't, or won't, do what he needs to do to heal himself, there's little if anything you or his mother either can do to cause him to want to. At some point, it may simply come down to a matter of you figuring out how much more of this you can tolerate & what to do about it. Here are links to 6 articles, from PsychCentral's archives that, hopefully, may be of some help with putting your situation into perspective:

You Can Only Change Yourself

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change – Happily Imperfect

When You Want to Change a Loved One

5 Ways to Get Your Partner to Change

How to Persuade Your Loved One to Seek Professional Help

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...ng-boundaries/