It seems to me like you're trying to ask for permission to do what you already know you're probably going to do at some point, and you just don't want the associated feelings of guilt to go with it (if I'm way off base, it's ok to say that)? You have permission.
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“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.” -Frederick Douglass
