Being abused as a child by my father would cause me to be extremely quiet. So much so that my teachers were convinced that I was developmentally disabled. Mentally deficient was the term applied to student files. Also being a quiet child caused me to get picked on and physically abused by my classmates. I would report this abuse to my teachers, however, they felt I was "making up stories". The only way I could cope with being abused by everyone was to abuse my younger brother. I was very violent with him. I would attack him for fun. It made me feel empowered. Around the age of 8 years, I had been through too much and I tried many times to hang myself in my bedroom closet. I lacked the upper body strength to put my head into the makeshift noose. After several falls and getting hit on the head with the clothes line bar, I gave up.

While all this was going on, I had lived in a catholic community and I felt my family religion wasn't right. The thing everyone always said was, "God only gives us what we can handle."
Three herniated disk, metal hip, dislocated nose, 15+ years of trauma, CPTSD, OCD, Anxiety, Depression.
I don’t believe for a moment that there could be a virtuous god that intended this life for me.

One of my therapists' said more of the same thing, "That God must think highly of you because they say He only gives us what we can handle. After everything you have been through He must think very highly of you!"

I felt defeated when my therapist said this. Almost like she had given up and turned to God to help me? The next week I was transfered to a new therapist.