Yes. Nowinners [previous post] is right, alittlelikemusic, and I do understand where you're coming from also.

You know what? I feel pretty much the same way: as a 'super weird, awkward alien that can't socialize worth a damn and everyone can see it.' Well put, actually.

For me, I went and got therapy around these things and was personally diagnosed with social anxiety [amongst other things over the years] - and it's actually a fairly common disorder, though the severity of which can vary. But furthermore, the therapists pointed out to me how this mindset came about in the first place, and it was very interesting and insightful, alittlelikemusic.

Have you considered therapy? It might really help you [diagnosis or not] with the way you're feeling and offer you a way through. Because I understand how awful and self defeating such a mindset can be. A lot of people understand. (((Hugs!)))

Also, I'm very sorry about the situation with your mom. Yes, very hurtful.

Stay strong please, you're in the company of friends here.