No one let me in on a secret that has made my life's work and sole passion useless. Had I known about study drugs earlier, I would have completed roughly 20 times this amount of work. Considering that, I am stuck in the life of a fool, I cannot reverse my age or increase my past productivity which would have been phenomenal on a level playing field. This is all I like to do, academic work. I never dated, never had friends, never took an interest in any other hobby. I prided myself in my work not realizing what I was missing. There is no remedy to this. I hate this reality and cannot change it. My decision is final, unless I have overlooked something which is the reason behind this post. Is there something I do not know (maybe)? Is my logic flawed (probably not)?

These days, in my experience, you cannot be phenomenal academically if left out of the study drug loop. I spent every day and night working to no avail because no one bothered to tell me I could be going 20 times faster and better, like my peers who laugh at me. Who wants this life? Not me. I wake up each day punching myself crying. I hate all people and do not want to benefit anyone. I am no longer an organ donor, no longer wait in line, and feel delighted when I see pain and suffering. I love my broken bones, cuts, etc. This is an awful place and I don't want to be made to suffer in it. Just tell me if I am leaving something out. That's all this post is for. No, I don't want to benefit others or have my suffering prolonged. I only want to know if I overlooked something about being at an unsurmountable disadvantage?