((((rideforever)))) I'm so sorry you're suffering with this. I'm sure many can relate. How old are you? Do you still live with your parents? If so, perhaps it would be better to get away from them as soon as you can. Do you see a therapist? It seems like you have a lot of stuff to go through. I'm so sorry you're struggling, but please remember that it's not your fault this is happening. Often, there isn't a real reason why they're picking somebody in particular... it just happens.