I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I struggle with my own variety of intrusive thoughts. And my go-to practice for handling them is what is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a description of the practice in case you're not familiar with it:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

And then here are links to 4 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on ways to handle intrusive, obsessive or just plain "stuck" thoughts:

How You Can Overcome Intrusive Thoughts | Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood

9 Ways to Let Go of Stuck Thoughts

5 Ways to Free Yourself From Dark and Obsessive Thoughts

Coping with Obsessive Thoughts | The Recovery Expert