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Old 11-23-2018, 02:31 PM
Anonymous32895 Anonymous32895 is offline
Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,208
Anonymous32895 Anonymous32895 is offline
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Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,208 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
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Default Gas lighting, Trauma, Petrificus Total is

I left my Ex-Fiance six years ago.
Little did I know that I may
Have removed myself physically
From the relationship but
I would take many years to
Get back to being myself.
He presented himself to
Everyone as my knight
In shining armour. But
Behind closed doors, the
Reality could not have
Been any further from the truth.
He was always possessive.
I knew that from the start.
But I did not know that
Was just the tip of the iceberg.
When we moved in together
Three years down the line,
I still cannot believe the lengths
He stooped to, in what he
Thought was just a game.
I was in hospital rehab at 18
And placed on longterm medication.
And my fiance, then boyfriend
Through a nudge from his parent's,
Came to visit me. So he had
Seen me at my worst. I did not
Want to carry on seeing him.
But he would come to the house
With gifts and flowers on valentines,
The sweetest card with
A Romeo and Juliet montage
That made me smile and I
Decided to give him a chance.
His heart was in the right place.
And even though he put
Me through hell, I believe that
Lauryn Hill sung it best:
Forgive them for they know
Not what they do. He thought
That as long as he never
Hit me that I had no reason
To ever leave and that was enough.
So he used every other trick
In the book. From manipulation
To accusing me of Transference.
(see Freuds defence mechanisms)
He would make jokes about me,
Belittle me, undermine me, taunt me.
If I said I will leave him
He would threaten to have,
Me sent back to the hospital.
Or treat me like a child (c.a.p.)
And say he would arrange
A meeting with my parents
To discuss why I wanted to leave.
Because he knew that I was
Mad when I found out
About the doctors meeting
With my parents without
Consulting me and he was at one.
So having a meeting was
Another way of saying:
A pre hospital meeting.
That I was not sound of mind
For wanting to leave him.
He chipped away at my
All ready damaged self esteem.
Until my body as well as
My mind felt the depression
Begin to creep in. The brain
Controls the body and
I could see the signs
Not just in my perception,
Or clouded up mind,
But my body rebelling
Or over compensating for me
Not taking care of myself
The way I should be.
But I just thought that
Was life and who as an adult
Takes time out before
Something happens? Something
Normally has to happen
Before we re-evaluate our life.
We hit a wall and then we realise
We were going too fast
And need to take,
Our foot off the gas.
And when he resorted
To gas lighting I took
A life threatening overdose.
After that he returned
To making jokes. They
Are so audacious I can
Bet that some of you
Don't know wether I
Am writing a black comedy
Or you should be shocked.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 11-23-2018 at 03:57 PM.
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