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Old 11-23-2018, 03:35 PM
Anonymous32895 Anonymous32895 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,208
Anonymous32895 Anonymous32895 is offline
Poohbah
Anonymous32895 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,208 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
9 hugs
given
Default Transference

He refused to believe I was
Ever exasperated or annoyed
Because of what he had said or done.
No. I was transferring my
Hard done by feelings from
The way my step dad
Made me feel as a child and adolescent.
Look I am not David. I am not David.
Do not get riled at me.
I wont ever hit you like he did.
But compared to my blood father
He was more of a dad.
I never told Fred he hit me.
Just he was far from perfect.
And he only hit me like a
Parent smacks a kid did
Back in the day when
It was not frowned on.
It's not like he gave me
A black eye or bruises.
A swift wallop, small slap.
On the back of head.
It sounds worse than it is.
The cup was just a one off.
He lost his temper. He
Worked a full time tradesmans hours.
And he did not make
A good wage when I
Was a youngster.
The holiday. I still have not
Forgiven either of my parents for.
Or for the way they wrote
Me off after my breakdown.
But I made my peace with them.
They came round. David put up
A dart board in the lobby
For me and mum bought
Me a juke box so I did not
Plonk myself infront of the tv
Or just read and listen to music.
I could throw darts while
The music played. And it
Was a good idea for
Rainy days when taking
The dog a long walk
Was not an option. And
When my tablets were
Taken down enough I
Felt ok to go out jogging.
And David was fine if
He came home from work
And I had on sweat pants
And the dvd extra's. Chilled
Day today then. My mum
Was not so pleasant. But
I was used to seeing
More cold than hot
From her growing up.
It's just your own normal.
We know from our own
Locus of control
How to take certain people
In our lives. With salt or
Give them some slack
Because you know they
Had a tough time
Some way or another.
My mum was a forces brat.
Moved around a lot.
She had Calipers for
A time as a kid. And
My father was not
Nice to her after his stroke.
But Fred was demanding.
I had no time to sit
Around and reflect.
When I was recovering,
The wound was too fresh.
Like needing multiple operations.
It would get better
Each time I went under
But it could not be done
All in one full swoop.
I only began to look
At my own past when
I was settled at Adam's.
It was then I decided
That after all this reading,
That one day I could
Be something again.
And Fred did not like
The idea of me looking
At possibilities outside
Of the life we were making.
It did not fit his plan.
If we were both animals of prey
He belonged on land
And I was a bird that
Had it's winged clipped.
I would never be happy
On the plains when
I missed the sky.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 11-23-2018 at 03:53 PM.
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