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Old 11-27-2018, 08:21 AM
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elevatedsoul elevatedsoul is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: usa
Posts: 3,821

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Default struggles

I have removed myself from the toxic environment of my parents for some months now (not sure how many...) and been staying with my cousin which is a much better place support and understanding wise.
But even though i am expanding or growing some things seem to be getting worse.. unless im just becoming more aware


I am having issues with falling into a scared, hurt, paranoidish type perspective which is embarrassing as they dont know how to handle me... and i dont like/want to hurt or upset them because they are being so kind to me and supportive..


Im trying to figure out how i can be more in control of pulling myself out of these triggered states instead of seeming to need to be unlocked by my cousin...

Its like if i can prove or show myself that everything is ok and that i can trust them and that they dont hate me or mad at me, then it goes away... but when im in that perspective its near impossible to do by myself.


But my cousin can sit with me and defuse it easily... but its draining for her and stressing our friendship and i dont want it to happen anymore because i love her so much for everything she has helped me with so far and dont want my fragments to ruin the first person i have truly trusted in this world..


What am i to do?
Has anyone else experience with something like this?


I litterally ran away like 3 times in the passed 2 weeks because i was frozen inside unable to change back to normal self even though i tried continuosly to challenge the irrationality of the held beliefs at that moment..


I hate being scared and i love the feelings my new family give me 😶
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