You're not alone man, I've been an addict since my high school years and probably the scariest decision I ever had to make was getting clean. Like the mere thought is absolutely daunting, it made me sick to my stomach to think about how I was going to navigate through this world without a crutch but once you're clean, you find healthy ways to cope and you learn a level of self-control that you never knew you'd be able to have. It takes years and years and many times sometimes messing up royally but it's worth it 100% and I'd do it a hundred times over.