I'm sorry but being in the U.S. I don't know anything about the mental health system in the U.K. (except that, based on what I read here on PC, it sounds dreadful!)
My experience with the mental health system, here where I live, hasn't been a whole lot more positive. At this point I've simply left it all behind.
I wish there were some suggestions I could offer you as far as how to keep yourself safe goes. (Being here on PC is of great help to me.) I guess the one thing that occurs to me is simply to do what you can to find someone to talk to about how you're feeling, whether that be a counselor or therapist, or perhaps a support group of some sort. I believe, based on my own experience, that a person can't do this with family or friends, at least not for very long. They have their own problems & they really don't want to hear about ours. And, besides, they wouldn't know what to do about any of it even if they did listen. Of course, the other option is to call a crisis hotline. But from what I've read, one can't ever be certain that will be of any benefit either.
You mentioned you were told you don't go inpatient if you know you're unwell.
I know, in my own case, I've been told that if I was feeling at risk I should call someone. But what I have replied on a number of occasions is that if I'm coherent enough to know I need help, then I'm not in any real danger. But if I really am in danger, it's unlikely I'd be clear-headed enough to call someone. So it's a conundrum. Anyway... I know none of this is of any help with regard to your situation. But I thought I would at least offer my thoughts regarding your post. Please take care... keep posting here on PC... & perhaps consider joining in on some of the chats when they're available. You might also look at becoming involved with The Haven where, I believe, you can chat with other members in real time. Here's a link to The Haven's forum here on PC in case you haven't already found it:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/the-haven/
And then one other similar option might be the 7 Cups website:
Online Therapy & Free Counseling, Someone To Talk To | 7 Cups
My best wishes to you...
